Paranoia- the Anxiety of Depression

There is a kind of feeling that one might have periodically; the heavy chest, the increased breathing rate, and the floating toughts (which seem to be more negative than mere daydreaming). And usually those thoughts tend to associate with your current situation, or what you are most worried about. And usually, what you would be thinking about, would be the worst of all situations dawdling in your mind.

I cannot help but express my disdain for such a feeling; it is certainly an unpleasant one, and has the tendency to beg the question of how you view life, and how life views you. You would feel unhappy, worthless, and lack a sense of belonging nor purpose in the world. You feel anxious; about problems that are currently happening (or lack thereof) and you assume the worst. You feel sad, lonely, that everyone in the world is against you, or just don't understand you. You become selfish, cynical, irritable, and vengeful. You become insane in your own mind. You are paranoid.

Paranoia is, as most would understand, a psychological phenomenon that affects your ability to reason and think coherently. Paranoia is when you think of something bad that might happen, even though in reality that bad thing doesn't exist in the first place. It is pessimism taking over optimism (or more likely, "perceived" realism taking over "delusional" optimism. Or maybe it is delusional in itself...) I do not believe that paranoia exists alone, but more likely exists as the result of, or concurrently with anxiety and depression.

This of course is something that most students would be able to relate to- the pressure of schoolwork, the bleak future, the realities of real life, peer pressure, etc. Post-School-Examination-Paranoia is one thing that I believe most students would be suffering from, especially for those who did not study (or DID study, but are kiasu enough to suffer like this). They lack the ability to shrug it off, because there is nothing they can do. Some of them even seek solace by going to religious temples and pray for good luck before and AFTER the exams. Whatever helps them reduce the anxiety though. But what would most likely be playing in their mind?

Other than the gradual loss of sleep (which would worsen the condition) these students may start to think about the distant future; what would happen if he or she failed? What is the solution? What is the solution if THAT solution fails? And what is the failsafe plan if all else fails? How am I going to get a job? How much do I have to pay? What would my parents think of me? What would my friends think of me? Eventually this anxious behaviour would lead to depression, and from then on, life becomes bleak. This is even worse the longer the exam results are held back, and it's the holidays, in a situation where you're stuck at home with no one to console you. Good grief! Get a grip!

Other than the exams, something else may spring into mind. Something that at least a few or shockingly most students may relate to. The subject of friendship and social acceptance. It's the holidays, and you're not going to see your friends for quite some time. You're done with your video games and vacations, then you get bored. During this stage you start to feel as if life is pointless because there's nothing to do. You've got no mood to pursue your hobby. You hope the holidays end earlier so you can go back to school to do work (I might digress; I'm so bored I actually miss schoolwork). Then you start to think of your friends. You suddenly feel lonely, with no one to talk to. You start to sit in front of the computer (internet addiction, but that's another issue), waiting for your friends to come online. You become happy when they're online.

However, one thing about instant messages is that they are vague, cold, and usually misleading. Prone to misunderstandings.

You become very sad when they don't respond to your IMs. Or you are not satisfied with their answers, which seems rather cold (unless there's an emoticon that follows it of course). Then you don't see them online for quite some time, and you begin to wonder if they had blocked you. Then you start thinking about all the possible reasons why they could have blocked you and ignore the alternatives, like, they've got a LIFE outside the computer. Or they are just "AFK- away from keyboard". You begin to think about what you said earlier that might have triggered this cold shoulder. Or what you might have NOT said. or what you SHOULD have said. This "should and shouldn't have (SASH)" phenomenon even occurs when you're not using IMs. Like how you spoke to your friend and lunch today, and then you start analysing the person's response (or lack thereof). Then you start to send the man SMS later in the day, and when you don't get a prompt response, you start to panic "OMG THIS PERSON HAETZ MEEEE WAT DID I DUUU".

This situation is even worse during the holidays when you're at home with nothing else to do. Locking yourself up will not solve the problem, and panicking will not solve it either. During this panicking stages you begin to wonder if other people view you the same negative way. If you are the kind who is especially conscious and concerned about how others view you, you are screwed. You may have the desire to act according to what society perceives as tolerable and normal, in order to fit into that society. You just want to fit in. You fear rejection. And you already feel rejected. Maybe because you rejected yourself.


You think of all the worst things you did in college and all the possible things you could have done (good and bad) and then think of the solutions to it, and the if that fails, you think of the solution to that solution... you're paranoid. Suddenly all your close friends had turned against you (in your head). You feel betrayed, you feel lonely. You start to dread going back to school. Your self esteem becomes crap.

I must say that this "peer pressure" paranoia is actually worse than exam stress. Simply because it emotional in nature, while exams are abstract facts. Friendship is something that constantly evolves, and is difficult to repair once broken.

It may not affect some people, but it's a heavy hitter for those with very low self esteem. In fact some may even contemplate suicide. Pathetic? Then I must be one too, for having been through this before.

However, it is ironic how most eccentric people, who are obviously deviants of society, seem to be full of themselves. They don't care how others think about them, and refuse to be normal. They are always happy and unnerved by others. So what's their secret? I think we've heard this before; they accept themselves. And for some reason they happen to have lots of friends too. Ask them if they are paranoid, they'll deny it all.

So you've got to accept yourself before you expect others to accept you. Go figure. But its easier said than done. I've heard this before, but it didn't seem to work for me during my pre U year when I was sidelined/alienated from my entire class.

In order to accept yourself, you have to stop being paranoid. You have to learn to be more optimistic. Learn to be delusional, because that may actually benefit your sanity, contrary to what others may say.

Basically, the bane of Paranoia is to take your mind OFF the problem, and focus it on something else, like a hobby or work.

Aha! Get it now why boredom during long holidays is bad? Because you've got nothing else to think about! So you think of the bad things, so you become paranoid. When you are in school, you're so busy with your schoolwork that you don't have time to be paranoid!

Another way to combat paranoia is to learn to trust others. That's right, you have to learn to be more naive. Okay seriously, if you're the kind who has difficulties in trusting others, then you're gonna lead a sad, lonely life. Life is about putting trust in others. Not completely, but enough to pull you through. Trust that others will not backastab you or betray you. Trust that others are capable. Trust that others are not capable of becoming the demons of your thoughts. Because the biggest demon is in your mind.

Or if paranoia really seems to bother you, then you could probably settle for psychoactive drugs like caffeine.

Coffee seems to work for me whenever I fall into this paranoia depression trap. I start to forget about my worries, or start to think about them but I don't feel bad about it. It's as if I don't give a shit anymore. I hear that Green Tea also provides this benefit minus the adverse health effects (and it was what I took during my horrible, HORRIBLE pre U year).

Then you could try some sulbutiamine. Try looking it up.

I also heard that Yoga and some light exercise can do the trick- while I don't do Yoga, I do Dance Dance Revolution. Trust me, it works like a charm. And you get to appreciate and enjoy music. :)

If there are better solutions to combat paranoia, feel free to comment.

What I can conclude for now is that Paranoia, Anxiety, Depression, they are all interrelated. It's like a chain, or a domino effect. One thing can lead to another. It's not healthy, nor beneficial in any way to be paranoid. There's more to life than you'd think.

By the way, NEVER EVER ask advice from your parents regarding this peer pressure issue- While they are wise and they provide their honest concerns, they don't have Facebook or MSN, so they'll give you the crappiest and most obsolete advice ever- "your friends are worthless and you shouldn't think of them because once you leave university you'll never see them again. It's Hi and Bye." Intriguing because most successful people keep in contact with their friends... and parents who give these advice usually never kept in touch either.